"Sweet Simplicity... "

"Our most basic instinct is not for survival but for family... Most of us would give our own life for the survival of a family member, yet we lead our daily life too often as if we take our family for granted..." ~Paul Pearshall

I have to say that this weekend was one of the best that I have had in a long time...no, there were no big trips..no big cookouts...no adventurous escapades...there was simply good quality family time...and it was the absolute best thing for my soul..

I think people forget how simple life can be sometimes...I often think about what life was like back before we had so many distractions...and by distractions I mean TV..Facebook...cell phones..emails...internet...I mean, when did we become so dependant on these things? We want our children to get outside and enjoy the sunshine...to play like we did back when we were kids...but isnt it our job to teach them these things?? Kids learn by example and we as parents are their example...if we cut ourself off from technology every once in a while and get outside with our kids...show them how fun it is to run in the sprinkler (which is what we did back before pools were everywhere)...show them how fun it is to ride bikes up and down the road (which is what we did before there were TV's in everyroom of the house)..show them how fun it is to sit around the kitchen tabel and play a game of UNO (which is what we did back before kids were so enthralled in video games )...also show them how important it is to sit down at the kitchen table everynight and eat supper as a family...instead of sitting around the TV watching our favorite shows...then maybe our kids will keep alive the importance of family values...It is our job to show them that we don't need all these distractions around us to have fun..yes it certainly makes it easier...but in the end, all our kids want is our time..We have so much technology at our fingertips that it is unreal...but we have something much more important at home..and thats our family..

I took a break this weekend from most everything..facebook..the gym...friends...TV... I wanted to get back to a simpler time in my life where everything was not so rush rush rush...I wanted to sit down and have a conversation with Khristian...and eat supper at the table as a family..to play games...to just enjoy each others company...to sit in the quiet and hear my thoughts...to sit on my back patio and enjoy my flowers that are blooming...to smell the sweet sweet smell of honeysuckle...to sit outside under the stars and watch the fireflies and heat lightning...to smile by myself for absolutely no reason at all...except for the fact, that I am totally and utterally happy...To have Khristian look up at me on Sunday afternoon (as it is just him and I out at the pool) and say "Best day ever mom!"... to sleep late and stay in my PJ's all day...to smile at Travis across the room as we catch each others eye...to have Khristian in the kitchen right beside me helping me flip the pancakes that we are cooking for supper...oh how I absolutly love living in a simpler time..

As I come back to reality today...and have to rush to a baseball game this afternoon as soon as I get off...I will not forget how great this last weekend was...I will make a point to relax more and enjoy my family more...after all, they are the most important things in my life...who cares, if I miss a episode of my favorite show...who cares, if I miss a couple status updates on facebook or my emails...None of that matters...only my family does... :)

Read more...

"Inspiration.."

I have been praying inspiration here in the last couple of weeks...I have written many things...but..when I re-read what I have written something just sounds off...its missing something...then it hit me last week like a ton of bricks...I need some form of inspiration...so, everyday when I have my little talk with God in the shower or in my car...I ask him simply for some inpiration in whatever form he wants to send it in...and wouldnt you know it..God never fails..He sent me my ispiration this morning...Oddly enough, he just opened up my eyes so I could see it...but the inspiration came from inside me...

You see, I have a small little flash drive that I have had for years..it has been tucked away in my laptop bag collecting dust under my bed forgotten about...last night, I remembered this little flash drive and went to retrieve it..I brought it into work this morning to format it so I could give it to my step-mother..she has some pictures that I shot on her super fantastic camera (that I will have one just like at Christmas time) of Khristian playing ball...before I formatted it, of course I was looking at the documents that was saved..making sure I wasnt going to delete something of importance..suddenly I came across a Microsoft Word document labeled "Embrace"...I clicked on the document up popped this...


"Embrace..."

"Khristian,

It is 3 o"clock in the morning..you are 3 weeks and 2 days old....It is a Tuesday...and you are sleeping in your crib right beside my bed...I should be sleeping...but I keep getting up and walking over to look at you laying so soundly in your crib..I get up walk over there, gaze at you for a moment and then go lay back in my bed and stare at the cieling...this has been a ongoing process for a little while now..its like I can't really believe that your here..that your mine..that I am now responsible for another human life...but the last time I got up to go over to that crib and look at you...you lifted the right corner of your lip up in a smile at me...everyone else says that it's gas...but..I dont think so...that smile is what I needed right then...As tears made there way down my cheek..you smiled at me..and for a moment...the confusion..the sadness..the disbelief....disappeared for split moment.. which is why I am sitting here writing this to you now...

Every person has a story...when you first glance at someone you will see the outer appearance..but when you look into a person's eyes...their soul...you sometimes are lucky enough to get a glimpse of their story...Our story is just beginning...Although the beginning is filled with sadness and some not so ideal situations..I truly believe that the ending will be filled with nothing but happiness...I sit here tonight..or rather this morning...feeling lost...I have no idea how to care for you..I have no idea what I can teach you...and to be honest, I have no idea why God thought I was the one that should have you...I feel as though I am not good enough to be your mother..you are so sweet, young and innocent...you did not ask to be brought into this world under these circumstances...As you lay there sleeping..You do not know of worldly things such as fear..anger..sadness...hurt...You have not felt the sharp stab of someones betrayal...and as much as I would love to wrap you up in a cacoon and keep you from all this..I know one day you will feel each of those emotions...I can't keep you safe...I can try..but the world is so warped that evil lies around corner...As I read back over what I wrote I know I am not giving you the most postive ourlook on life...I want to prepare you...this world is not kind..it looks out for noone but itself...and it will swallow you up whole and spit you out...on the other hand...there is some goodness...for every piece of darkness out there..there is some light...gravitate to that light son...stay away from the darkness...do not let it drag you down...and do not give in to it...fight against it and always..always...keep that light of goodness that I see when I gaze down upon you...

At 18 years old, there is not much I can teach you....but there is so much that I want for you...I pray that you grown up to be noble...kind..generous..loving...trusting...and all the other things that a man is supposed to be...but I want to tell you some of the things that I hope for you that alot of people fail to mention....

I want you to embrace this life...grab on to it with all you have and don't let go...I want you to walk out into the sunshine and close your eyes and embrace the feel of the sunshine on your face...I want you to remember that feeling when the darkness sometimes feels like it will never go away...I want you to laugh...laugh as much as possibe...but when you laugh I want it to reach your eyes...to reach your soul...I want you to go out and be adventurous....don't be afraid...look fear in the eyes and make him back down...I want you to be a kid...a real kid that has no worries...play on the monkey bars..and swing as high as possible..so high that you feel like you are flying..I want you to always believe in the magic of Santa Claus, The tooth fairy, and the Easter Bunny...Believe in the impossible...I want you to see the world..all the sights..the smells...the feel...I want it all for you! Don't hold back...never hold back....go into this world thinking that it yours...it is your playground...own it...I want you to love with all your might...When you find that one perfect girl...the one that you know is the right one for you...don't walk away from her...hold her hand and love her...talk with her..be kind to her...and laugh with her...give her as much in return as she gives you...and when it is time for you to have a family of your own...Embrace them...Play with your kids..be a kid yourself again...never take them for granted...and pass on the light inside of you to them...My sweet baby boy..I want you to have such a zeal for life that it shines through you and is so infectious that people around you can't help but to catch it....Go into this world and make your own trail...your own path...and walk slowly...take everything in...leave nothing out...because when you are old and grey I want you to smile and say...you have left no stone unturned...Please..I am begging you...Embrace this life...grab onto it..dont let opportunites pass through your fingertips like sand at the beach...Go out into this world and write your own story..but make sure it is a story worth reading..and a story that you are proud of...A story that you gave your all to...When someone looks into your eyes...down into your soul...I want them to see what kind of man you are...Live..Dream...and follow your dreams...don't ever think something is beyond your reach...If you want it...make it happen...Don't ever wait around for someone else to make it happen...If you fail..pick yourself up and try again..it will make all your success's that much sweeter...don't ever doubt yourself...always always always believe in yourself...Again....Embrace it all my sweet baby boy...Embrace it...and dont let go....

You are awake now...you are laying in my arms drinking your bottle...so as I wrap this up...please know that I love you...I can't give you much...but I hope that you have heard my words...and more than heard them..I hope you feel them...

Good night sweet boy...

Love Always...
Mommy"


Inspiration can come in all sorts of forms...It will show up in the least expected spots...and will jump out at you...Inspiration can even come in the form of your own words being discovered a decade later... :)

Read more...

Random thoughts...

I am not quite sure where this blog will end up..as I don't have one inparticular thing that I want to talk about..all I know is I am in a writing mood and something is nagging at me and I can't quite figure it out...So we shall see where this ends up..

One thing that keeps entering my mind is Saturday...I have to tell you that I woke up Sunday morning looking at the world through new eyes...I have never seen so much destruction in my life..when all I can hear coming out of my mouth for a solid 5 minutes is "Oh my God.." and I can't even put into words the feeling that I had...I knew that day would stick with me forever...The pictures, the video's, the news broadcasts..they tell you nothing...until you see first hand and meet familys that have been displaced..there life is changed forever...you cannot get the whole picture of what it was like...

I feel as though I cant do enough..I feel a tug that says "jessica..you have to do more..", When I looked into the eyes of a mother holding her 3 month old newborn baby...and her home was in shreds on the ground and all that was left is the concrete slab..with her 5 year old daughters shoes laying on the front lawn that was once tucked safely in her closet...When I looked into those eyes..Is saw despair..I saw fear..I saw a mother that was trying to figure out where to start...how to piece back together the life that had just been shattered...I gave her diapers, wipes, gift cards...and anything else I could think to give..but I still left with tears in my eyes because I felt like I needed to do  more...

I keep asking myself..why God layed it on my heart to go to Tuscaloosa...I have never felt as strongly about something as I did last Sunday when I made the final decition that I wanted to help..I knew,I needed to do it and I knew that God was leading in this direction for a purpose..I felt that maybe when I got to Tuscaloosa on Saturday that I would know exactly why he had lead me there but as I sit here and type..I still don't see a defining moment of clarity...he just has not made it clear to me yet...its like I know something is there...its    waiting on me to discover it...

I had the best talk with my Dad on Friday..and he brought something up to me that has had me thinking all weekend..my dream is to write a book someday..It's no secret by now that Travis and I are wanting to try to have a baby soon...but he told me to start writing my book before I have a baby..simply because he is afraid that if I have a baby right now then I won't ever get around to writing this book...He is right..thing is, I don't even know where to start...when you say "I am going to write a book"..it is such a daunting task..it is so huge that you dont even know where to begin...how to start...its like, you are out to sea with no land in sight...you swim and swim but you dont know which direction to swim in..and before you know it your lost...that's what I feel like...When I pointed this out to him...he looked at me with so much love and pride in his eyes that it took my breath away..he said "Baby, you have already started...go back from the beginning and read what all you have wrote...you have already started...you just have got to finish it." Is he right?? Writing is such a personal thing...your taking your heart out and laying it out for the world to see...Am I ready for that? Can I do it? Do I have what it takes? Am I just a little girl with a big dream?? Or is it just self doubt...

I am feeling somwhat down on myself today...Everyone has those days where you just feel like you could cry...today is that day for me...Something is weighing heavy on me and I just cant pin-point it down...

Read more...

"Helping Hands (Part 2).."

"I am only one, but I am one...  I cannot do everything, but I can do something...  And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do..."


There are moments in your life that stick out..like a frozen memory in time that you will never forget..there are certain people that will always leave a mark on your life...sometimes we don't know a name..and we may not even know the face...but you will never forget the act of kindness they have shown you...you will never forget...how they impacted your life..

I can remember a time when I worked at Country's BBQ..if you have ever waitressed before you know that you depend on those tips to make your living..in other words, you are depending on someone's generosity...You will always get the regular's..the non-tipers..the smoker's...the picky ones...and then you get the customer's that you will never forget...This particular week I was struggling financially..and I wasn't quite certain how I was going to make my weekly bills of putting gas in my car, paying daycare, and making my car payment and also buying diapers with the $25 dollars I had made in tips that day...With a accumulated total for the week of tips coming up to a whooping $134 dollars...daycare was $80 alone. I was wiping down signs (anyone that worked at Country's know what I mean when I say we were wiping down sign..Jay Blanchards favorite saying was "You got time to lean..you got time to clean!") lost in thought about how I was going to make $134 magically cover my bills when 2 of my regular customers came in...I sat them in their regular booth in the smoking section and brought them there usual sweet tea...After I placed their order, I proceeded to talk with them saying nothing of my troubles.. but these 2 people had come in there enough that they knew me pretty well (also if you know me then you know my face is a open book to my emotions..) they told me to sit down and asked me what was wrong...I said "nothing" of course, because isnt that what we always say?..."Nothing.." when in fact everytime we say nothing...there is always something lying behind that "Nothing"...They knew better..so as persistant as these 2 gentlemen were..I told them my dilemma...but also in the same breath told them that I would figure it out..no worries...They offered me a smile and told me they were sure it would be fine...They wrapped up the meal..I gave them the ticket...after all they only had a hour for lunch...As they walked out, one of the guys came back and handed me $5 dollar bill (also if you were ever a waitress you got excited over a $5 dollar tip)..I was pleased...they left..I was cleaning up the table...when the cashier came over to me and handed me a envelope...and said that the 2 gentelmen that just left told her to give this me after they left...I opened it up and inside was a note that said "A act of kindness is a smile from God"..which included $100 dollar bill...I sat down in that booth and cryed...I still see these 2 gentelmen every once in a while..and I will NEVER forget the kindness that they showed me when I needed it the most...

I could sit here and replay to you so many random act's of kindness that people have shown me over the years..that stick out to me..I feel that I could never repay these people because in a time when I was down..they extended there hand to me...and helped me up...Without these people..without these pure, genuine, and generous acts...I would not be where I am today..

There is Gene Linzey who when I didnt have enough money to pay daycare told me that if I cleaned out his truck he would pay me because he knew I just wouldnt take his money without working for it (after all, that is what my daddy taught me)..there is my Uncle Gere, who without him giving me the opportunity to work at PC Plus there is no telling where I would be or what I would be doing..he took the time to teach me about computers..he believed that I could be more than a waitress...He believed in me...He still believes in me...There is the old man at the grocery store when I was still struggling, working 2 jobs..and when I got up to the cash register with 2 packs of diapers..formula..and wipes...and I was 3 dollars short of having what I needed..and I knew I couldnt put anything back..he gave the cashier a $5 dollar bill and turned to me and said "God bless you sweetheart"...

I will never forget these people..I will never forget there kindness...I will never forget their Helping Hands...

As I finish this post...People,please realize that you a opportunity to help someone today...tomorrow...next week..there are thousands of people in North Alabama that has lost everything they own...their are children that have lost parents..parents that have lost children...You don't have to do much..but please...do something...Be someone else's memory that sticks out in their mind...be their "Helping Hand.."

Read more...

"A need to help.."

I can not explain to you the feeling that I have right now..but I can tell you that I have a strong urge to help..no, I take that back...I feel a strong need to help the people that were affected by the string of tornado's that ripped through our beautiful state last week...

As I sat in my nice air conditioned living room with my stomach full from lunch that I ate with my in-laws after  a wonderful church service...and Travis asked me what I wanted for Mother's Day..all I could think about was all the people in North Alabama that had everything they owned ripped away from them in a matter of minutes...When they woke up that day they had no idea that their life was going to be changed forever...Hundreds of mother's out there that has lost the ability to care to their children because their home destroyed...these people are having to depend on the charity and the generosity of people like you and I to lend a helping hand just so they can cloth, feed, and protect their children...and again, here I sit in my comfy home with everything that I need and most of what I want contemplating what I want for Mother's day...It just made me see things in a whole different light...

At that point, I decided I wanted nothing more than to help...I need to help...I can't explain it..but I know that in my heart it is God leading me..I can't give much money and I know they supplies that I take will not even make a dent in what is needed in these hard hit areas...but what I can give is a helping hand...a little ray of sunshine to someone that has lost there's..and I can pray with them..and for them...

When you can't give anything else..you can always give prayers...and sometimes that is the most important thing you could ever give someone... 

Read more...