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“If I leave here tomorrow, would you still remember me?..."

 Tuesday, August 18, 2015

“If I leave here tomorrow, would you still remember me?” 

lynyrd skynyrd said it best didn't they?

This morning, I stood in the place where I do most of my deep thinking–the shower– thinking about life and, oddly, thinking about death...

Death isn’t something we like to think about, which makes sense. But isn’t thinking about death what sometimes puts our lives into perspective? Don’t we sometimes lose focus of our priorities because we feel like we are Edward Cullen and will live forever (minus the sparkling skin, of course)?

I have been re-reading one of my favorite books..."Tuesdays With Morrie"....If you have never read this book, I recommend you stop right  now and purchase it. It is well worth the money and time to read it. Morrie Schwartz says in Tuesdays With Morrie that he actually felt lucky to have the chance to face his death; he knew it was coming, so he had to prepare. He even says, “When you learn how to die, you learn how to live.” Remembering death can make life that much more vibrant and valuable...

In the same vein, there was a movie a few years ago called "Evening" in which an elderly lady reflects on her life as she passes away. It was a terrible, boring movie . . . but the concept was riveting, and it is something that I’ve never forgotten. It's just one of those things that has stuck with me for some reason. Essentially, both works ask the question: if you knew you were dying tonight, what would be the most important things to you? What would you remember from your life?

While lathering up the shampoo in my hair and watching Bailey dance around the bathroom, I got to thinking about this question for my own life. If I were to die tomorrow, what would have really mattered in my life? What moments would comfort me? What moments would stick out?

Clearly, there are the obvious. My wedding, the birth of my children, etc. But, as I thought about it.... these actually weren’t the things that were the most prominent. We always live for the big moments.... tracking our lives by our achievements and major moments. We throw parties, celebrate, and announce our big victories......But what about the little victories? What about the small moments?
For me, when I think about my life so far, they are what stick out. The moments that seemed insignificant.... almost forgettable at the time....tend to be the ones I come back to time and time again.
My moments (not in any particular order)
  • Mrs. Bias Speech class in high school....when I finally got up enough courage to stamd in front of the class and read. It was 3 minutes of absolute terror....but I did it...and I haven't shut up since. 
  • The big snow storm of "93". I was in the 4th grade and I was covered from head to toe with the chicken pox. As I watched out the window with tears rolling down my older brother and sister filled the bathtub with snow so I could play. I don't have many memories of my older siblings....but that one makes me smile. 
  • The very first writing contest I ever won. It was in Mrs. Harris 3rd class and I wrote about a green witch. It was then that I discovered my love of writing. 
  • Mr. Stevens College Prep English class......We gave that man so much grief over his wife dressing him everyday....but he is the one who taught me to "Pick and choose your battles.....decide what hill you want to die on....and make it a good one." 
  • The day in the hospital room after I had Khristian.....and I asked him what it is he wanted me to do. He grabbed my finger with all the strength of a newborn....and chose me. 
  • The first date Travis ever took me on. I was sitting in the passenger seat as nervous as can be....and ready to jump ship at any moment. All the sudden I heart him sing "Lay you down" by Conway Twitty....and instantly my heart melted. 
  • The day my step-mom and I ran our own race. 13 miles mapped around dad and uncle following in the car behind us with water and a "You've got this." No medals waited for us at the finish line....but a hug from each other that said "WE did this." 
  • I love old records. There is something about the sound and feel of it that you just can't get from an Ipod or radio. I can remember dancing around the house to old 50's music with my mom and grandmother. 
  • The week after I had little brother Adam came over and watched Bailey. Just sat and played with her so I could get a good long shower....and clean my house. It gave me a sense of normalcy....something so simple....but it meant the world to me. 
  • My dad meeting me at the door with a Dr. Pepper everyday when I was a little girl. 
  • The day I started my weight loss journey, I vowed I would go into the same swimsuit shop that I couldnt find a swimsuit in and buy anything in that store. Exactly 1 year later, I went in and the lady remembered me....and we picked out a beautiful bathing suit that fit me perfectly. She cried when I stepped out of the dressing room....because she had seen my cry in pure disgust with myself 1 year before. 
  • Listening to Khristian and Bailey fight over "Whos song" Travis is going to play next. 
  • A day this summer when I literally spent all day in the yard reading
  • Laying on the beach all day with my parents...and waking to the smell of coffee that I know my dad has started. 
  • My very first time didnt matter.....thats when I fell in love with running. 
  • The first time I saw the light in one of my friends eyes that accomplished something she never thought she could. I cried for her that day....because it was a "Big" moment is her life....and I knew it. 
I could literally go on and on....but I will stop.

Hopefully, I won’t die tomorrow. First of all, I still have a lot of big and small moments I want to experience. Second, There is a big world out there....and I feel like I am not finished making my mark.  But I think the point is that we never do know.

 Life is short. Remember to take in every moment. Remember that even the small, mundane moments can become big moments. And most of all, remember that most of the time, it isn’t what we are doing in life but who we are doing it with that matters. The people....the connections are what make every moment special.

What are your moments? Do you have a bucket list? Is it hidden in a box that is collecting dust?
If so....dig it out....rediscover yourself....and start living. Life is meant to be lived full force....not quietly getting by,


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