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"Between big and little..."

 Monday, July 20, 2015

My sweet little Bailey, 
I see you across the room.  Sitting in your chair coloring the pages in your coloring book.  I see you looking upon your task with such fury, purpose, and passion.  I see you pouring all you have into that one piece of art. How you get so excited over choosing just the right color to fill between the lines. How you bite your lip with such a look of concentration. How when you are finished with your run over to me with pride shining so much from you that when you smile it reaches your eyes....with a grin you say "Look Mommy!" 
I see you on the playground.  Climbing.  Swinging.  Jumping.  Sliding.  I see you giggle as the water splashes up at you when you jump in the puddle.  I see you try to hide under the very large bridge.  I see you try to run into the green field and enter into your pretend play. I see you gazing at the larger slide....contemplating in your head whether you should take the risk. Choosing between the safer slide and the unknown fear of the larger one. Ultimately, you choose the smaller slide....over and over again...all the while looking at the large one....wondering. When right before we climb to the top....hesitate....big breathe....and then giggle all the way down. Overcoming your fear of the unknown. 
Oh, dear sweet innocent Bailey.  I see you gaze into the distant horizon.  Looking, pondering, and mesmerized with this life.  I see you ponder all that happens around you.
I see you try to brush your own teeth.  I see you try to dress yourself.  I see you helping yourself to food from the fridge. How you step on the inside of the refrigerator and try to get sweet tea out you love so much. I see how you open the door to the laundry room all on your own and grab your favorite color juice. 
I see you.
You’re growing.  You’re growing up.  You’re growing out of your baby skin.
And then, I see you.  I see you stumble on the stairs on the front porch.  I see you skin your knee on the sidewalk.  I see you use way too much toothpaste for your own good. 
I see you.
You’re still little.  You’re still a child.  You still need help.
But, you don’t know it.  You’re somewhere caught between big and little.  You’re caught between growing up and being a baby.  You’re caught somewhere between running fast and snuggling tight.
Oh, my dear sweet innocent Bailey. How I want to sit and show you a movie of my life back in the old fashioned form, with the speckles of light and gray and white.  To show you, in life’s urgency, all the lessons there are to learn. How I want to protect you from this world.  But, instead, I sit and watch.  I see you.  Living life.  In it’s fullest.  Living life for the ups, for the downs.  And I am proud. And envious. You see my dear sweet Bailey, you teach me on a daily basis that life consists of the small joys. That running through the sprinkler is whats its about.  I fear that as you get older that I will forget to enjoy things. I cherish this moment. Somewhere between big and little.


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