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 Wednesday, August 3, 2011

"A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie..."

They say that mother's are born the instant their child is born...the woman was always there...but the Mother is born in that instant...they have a perfect instinct that let's them feel exactly what they should feel...instantly knows how to cuddle the baby just the right way...can sit there and hold the baby for hours on end wondering how they got so lucky...and wondering how they ever lived in this world before becoming a mother...before knowing this kind of love...for some..this happens instantly...for me..It took just a tad bit longer...

Becoming a Mother makes you take a closer look at yourself...makes you look in the mirror and confront the demons behind your eyes..makes you confront the not so perfect things about see, your not living just for yourself anymore...when you speak..your not speaking for just one person anymore...your speaking for two...your heart is not just yours anymore...because when you become a mother you hand your child your heart and he carries it within his heart forever...You vow to yourself that your child will always feel loved...You will keep every single pinky promise that you make..that you will never disappointment them...that he or she will never know pain...I mean real gut wrenching pain that brings you to your knees...

Don't we all wish we could all keep our children from knowing pain...but as we all have learned...pain is a part of life..because if we never know pain then we can never know joy..There is not a book that tell's us how to be the perfect mother..Truth be known, there is no perfect mother..we all have our faults..we all have our downfalls..No matter sometimes how much we want to go back and change something..we know we can't..all we can do is love them...and pray to God that he will lead us in the right path..I have my faults...I face them daily...We all lose control..we all neglect the important things..we all often times yell when we know we should be much as we all try to avoid these is or all of these things will happen..and we will feel horrible for it...but at night time, when that ten year old little boy kisses me good night and says "Good Night Mom..I love you"...I know I am doing at least one thing right...

This last week...I was sinking in my own own worries..You know the ones... the supper...getting back to school things the list could go on and on and mind was so consumed with these ever present worries that when Khristian called me on my cell phone on Tuesday of last week and asked me to come have lunch with him...I am ashamed to say that I acted impatient..selfish..and like I didnt have a hour to come and spend with him...As he asked me to come over to his maw maw and paw paw's (which is where he stays during the summer and after school) and have a turkey sandwich with him...I sighed very heavy and told him "I guess..I will be there in a minute"...his voice got a little quieter and he asked "You don't want to come"?..I reponded with "Honey, I said I would be there in a few minutes"...I then hung up the phone...When I got to my daddy's house and walked little boy gave me a huge hug and preceded to go into the kitchen and make me a turkey sandwich, peel me a banana, grab me a bag of chips and a water..he put everything on the table for me to eat and only then did he start to make his own lunch...It was in this moment that I started to feel the all to familiar weight of guilt...He sat down right beside me at the table and we ate our lunch..talked about his day so far and how he had been helping PawPaw around the house...afterward, we went into the living room and layed on the couch and watched Icarly on the disney channel...right before I had to leave I was talking to my daddy and he delivered the last blow...He said that when Khristian got off the phone with me he turned to him and said "She is mad because she hung up the phone really quick..."..Needless to say, I felt horrible for the way I had acted on the phone...My son thought I was mad at him...that I didnt have time to come and eat lunch with him...I was to consumed with my own worries and I took it out on him...

That lunch turned out to be exactly what I needed...I got back to work and sat in my car a cryed for about 5 minutes before going back inside... Khristian ,whether he knows it or not, alot of times is my rock...No matter what my faults are as a mother..he looks past them and somehow always reminds me what really important in this family..That afternoon when I picked him up and we were driving home in silence...I turned to him at a red light and said "Thank you for lunch today baby...I really appreciated it! There is no other place I would have rather been than eating with you!"...and do you know what my sweet 10 year old boy that I think is wise beyond his years sometimes said?? 

He simply said with a smile "I know mom...I love you to.."

A child's love and willingness to forgive is amazing, isnt it...All this time we as adults think we are teaching our children..but in reality..its our children that are teaching us... =)


Anonymous,  August 24, 2011 at 8:07 PM  

That totally made me cry...I know exactly what you mean, how sometimes we are just so wrapped up in our own stuff, we don't get what vibes we send off, I thank the Universe every single day for the love and forgiveness of my children, I have no idea what I would do without them...

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