Goals for the "Year of 27"

1. Run a full 5 Miles without stopping
2. Learn to play at least 1 song on the piano ( I have always wanted to learn)
3. Sing karaoke ( I am terrified of this)
4. Have at least 5 chapters of my book wrote
5. Bury a time capsule that my family can only dig up when I have passed away (sounds morbid I know but Its something that I have always wanted to do)
6. Learn how to play tennis ( I have no clue how to so if anyone out there has any knowledge I am all ears)
7. Learn how to do the Cha-cha
8. Go on a hot air ballon ride
9. Go rock climbing
10. Solve the Rubik's Cube

So, there you have it...my goals that I have set for myself...and so we shall begin...

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Goals

I remember almost 4 years ago when something inside me changed and I was ready for a change. After spending a whole entire weekend crying my eyes out to poor husband about how I hated the way I looked and how unhappy I was about what I saw in the mirror...he did something that surprised me...he went out and got me a year's membership to the gym, handed me the entrance card and simply said "If your not happy about the way you look, change it." Now ordinarily any other woman would have gotten their feelings hurt or been a little pissed...but oddly I wasn't. Something inside me snapped and I was determined to get the weight off. I started with a simple goal of 20 lbs..when I accomplished that I moved my goal to 40 lbs, and so on...till 2 years later I had hit my over all goal of losing a total of 105 lbs. My point in saying all this is the fact that I set a goal for myself, I worked towards it and I accomplised it. I was so proud of myself for doing and going after something that I wanted so desperatly. I loved having a goal and working towards it. Everytime I hit and passed a self made goal I grew more and more confident with myself and It made me more determined to hit and pass the next goal. Not only was my outside apperance changing but something within myself was changing to....I will never forget the feeling that I got when I stepped on that scale and it read 135 lbs..I had done it! I did what I set out to do. No words will ever be able to express the pride that I felt that day! I have a reason for expressing all this..just follow along with me if you will...

If you know me and you know me well, then you know that I have a immence fear of growing old. Friday was my 27th birthday and something has been nagging at knawing at me all weekend. While I am scared of the physical attributes of growing older, Such as; Wrinkles, grey hair, arthritis, clammy skin, lose of memory, failing health, etc....I believe that my number 1 fear of getting older is my lose of youth..more so than that...the fact that I may grow older without having done the things that I want to do before my death....Again, I have a reason for telling this...

I'm not sure how many of you out there have done this but when I was 16 I actually started a list of things that I wanted to do before I die....a bucket list per say. Its a handwritten list, Some thing have been added and some things have been marked off. Sadly, not a whole lot of things have been marked off that list as of yet. To be honest, things on it are not world changing or even things that other people would find important. Actually, some of the things would make you smile and tell me how silly they are..but...the things on my list are important to me...they are things that simply make me smile. Things that make me in one word...Happy...

Now to the point of telling you all this: I have set a goal for myself for the year of "27" or I should say I am going to set 10 goals for myself for the year of "27" as I call it. I can kill 3 birds with one stone as the saying goes. I have been missing having a goal for myself...working towards something and I don't like the idea of growing old and never doing the things on my list that I have always wanted to do. So...here's what's going to happen: my next blog will be simple and short...its going to entail 10 goals that I must work towards and accomplish before my next birthday. That gives me 12 months to scratch 10 things off my list...I will feel better about growing older, I will be more accomplised..and I think overall I will feel a better sense of contentment. I have a good feeling about this and to be quite honest...For once, I am excited about growing another year older.

A wise woman that I know once told me "Jess, live each day as if your about to take your last breath..this life is meant to be enjoyed and you have to take the moments and time you have and make them memorable!" Well, she was right...and I intend to do just that!

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Funny thing happened last night...

I was feeling a little down yesterday due to some issues that will remain unknown...but I was kinda sulking around, cooking supper, doing the laundry...things that I do everyday..wishing I was on a beach, in Paris, Rome, New York, climbing a mountain in the middle of nowhere..anywhere but at home cooking supper. I would love to say that I was a seasoned traveler. Truth is, it has always been my dream to travel the world, to see things that people only talk about seeing one day! Anyways, on with the story, I was sulking around my kitchen cooking supper, Khristian was flying a remote control helicopter around my head (that was utterly getting on my last nerve), and Travis was watching TV...I finished supper, grabbed my Ipod and my book, went outside and layed on my hammock, figuring I was going to get some quiet time in to clear my head and just take a huge deep breath and let all my stresses and frustrations go. I probably read maybe 30 minutes when Travis came outside and plopped down on the grass and just layed there looking up at the sky and he asked me to join him...I did...we started pointing out the shapes of the clouds and what they looked like (now this used to be a favorite thing of mine when I was a kid), Khristian soon joined us...

The sun turned into the moon and the clouds soon turned into stars....We all 3 layed there underneath the stars for about 2 hours..we quietly talked about our day, we pointed out constellations, found the North Star, until finally we all lay there in silence looking up in to the clear night sky..mesmorized by the peacefulness that surrounded us.

It was then that I let all my frustrations go...I may not be in paris, Rome, or New York...one day I will but not today or tomorrow...right now I am with my family! Lying there between the two people that know me best, the two people that accept me no matter what, and the two people that can make me smile when the day just seems like its unbearable and I can't seem to find that smile by myself...they are there to lend me one of there own and say I love you.

Paris, Rome and New York can wait...I'm right where I'm supposed to be...

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I have decieded to try blogging to see how I like it...
I have always really had a passion for writing and somehow it just got thrown by the waste side. I think that happens..I think that people get so consumed with everyday life, being a mom, being a wife, being a co-worker, cooking supper, cleaning, etc...that they sometimes forget the person that they used to be. Or better yet...forget all the things that actually made them who they were. You lose who you actually are and instead become someone that you hardly recognize..im talking mostly about myself than about anyone else...Dont get me wrong, I love my life, I love being and mother and a wife, but I am one of the few people that believes being a mom and mother does not define who you are as a person. I believe that you have to have some sort of seperation, the things that you can turn to in the quiet of the night when everyone else is in bed and its just you and your thoughts. Things that let you know.."Hey, Im still Jessica, Im still that girl that will climb a tree in a heartbeat, the girl that likes her water room temperature, that loves walking barefoot in the soft grass, the girl that still dreams of writing a book, the girl that once she puts a pen to paper everything else around her drops away and its not everyone else's world..its now her's...The girl that actually goes after her dreams instead of watching them pass her by...

I think that I have let go of some of the fire within myself, I have let go of some of the things that make me "Me"...and I'm not particularly happy with myself for doing it. You know what they say...If you don't like it, Change it! Well...Here goes... :)

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