"We all have thorns in our flesh. All of us. Love is when we stay and help someone pluck out their thorns one-by-one and they do the same for us. Love is also when we pluck the thorns out of our own flesh, one-by-one. But today, the world teaches us that we shouldn’t even see those thorns, that we should only see the petals. As a result, we don’t know how to love ourselves and we don’t know how to love others. Stay with the darkness, and bring that darkness into the light. It’s there, look at it." 


In hard times of our lives, in the darkness, we should surround ourselves with the light. We should surround ourselves with close friends and family who do not mind giving out a hug, a conversation or a smile. It’s important that we hold onto the good things when we feel shattered.

I often find comfort in writing first, because it can be hard for me to talk about my emotions directly to the people in my life, mostly because there are times when I do not understand my emotions myself and I do not know how to talk about them. But while writing helps … I always end up feeling a little isolated. I feel like I do not give myself a chance to be vulnerable with the people that I love, which in the end makes me hurt more, not less.

I’ve learned one very important thing. If you are surrounded by the right kind of people, they’ll understand the fact that you might feel confused. We have to be open with the people that we love and that love us, because only by having true conversations can we realize that other people are flawed and confused as well.

You shouldn’t fake a smile when you are hurting. You shouldn’t ignore your emotions. Focus on yourself, your mental health and embrace the fact that it’s OK not to be OK. We forget that so many times. We supress our anger, sadness, loneliness, because it feels “wrong” to feel dark. You should be able to feel the darkness, as long as you do not forget about the light.

As I sit here and type this, I can't help but to think about the fact that I should be planning a 3rd birthday party. I should be buying balloons and picking out the perfect birthday cake. I should be getting ready to celebrate another life. Often times, on these occasions....these monumental events...and I feel so overwhelmed with sadness....I feel silly for even trying to express it.  I miscaried at 13 weeks. I never held this sweet angel in my arms....I never got to kiss her forehead....I never got to whisper the words "I love you" in her perfect little ears and hold on for dear life to her tiny perfect fingers. This is an unspoken truth of so many miscarriages....we mourn and we don't speak of it again. We aren't supposed to feel sadness....because we never held our angel. But it hurts. She was my child. I dream of her sometimes.....and I really don't even know if she was a girl honestly.....but in a dream that God once blessed me with....she as the most perfect little girl in a pink dress I could have ever imagined. So this week, I mourn for the beautiful little life that ended to soon. I mourn for all the little moments that I won't get to celebrate. By sharing this… I hurt just a little less. I let myself feel the darkness … But I embraced the light in it. I need to mourn, yes. But I cannot let the darkness rule my life.

Maybe it feels unfair to you that I am describing this moment. There’s more darkness out there in other things, other people, other circumstances. But let’s not argue on that. Each and every darkness matters. Because if we start defining what’s “worth” of being defined as darkness, we will supress people’s feelings, which in the end isn’t fair to them. What matters is that whenever I feel dark inside myself, for whatever reason, I have to search for the light. And I encourage you all to do the same. We all have bad days, sometimes the sadness just overcomes you for different reasons … But you have to embrace whatever you’re feeling and say “It’s alright.” Even if it doesn’t feel like that and even if you do not quite understand it.

You need to have opened conversations. With the love of your life, your siblings, your parents, your friends, your kids … It’s OK to be flawed. Writing can be a resort, of course, but it won’t make you feel complete.

Tomorrow is another day … And there’s light in it.
“When life leaves us blind, love keeps us kind.” I’m learning to be vulnerable with the people that I love … I’m learning to stay kind.