Friday, February 13, 2015
She is light years away from me, and yet she is the essence of me: curious, unselfconscious, naughty, fun. For her, life is full of discoveries: sugar! and salt water, baby birds and bright colors. There is no place yet for jadedness or criticism, expectations or regret. The field is wide open, the score set to zero.
Gazing down at those photos, I experienced that same wave of affection I feel every time I pass my bellbottom wearing dad or my beautiful blonde headed children as babies.
Unapologetic, all-consuming love.
Ahh, how heartbreakingly easy it can be to see the light in others but not see it in yourself. How hard we can be on ourselves for not earning enough or not being nice enough or successful enough or thin enough. It can become a white noise soundtrack that we don’t even realize is playing in the background. Looking through my baby pictures reminded me that the very best part of me is the part that embraces life openly, without expectations or preconceptions or guilt. The me that accepts the world as a gift.
So, I’ve decided to print this photo and place it among those other tiny faces I love so well.
Thirty-one years.....an ocean really, of happiness and heartache, experience and expectations lie between us....the stress of everyday life and the days of carefree innocence. ....But she beckons me back to that place of unknowing anticipation, the joy of everyday life....to step outside of my box....reminding me of the Shel Silverstein poem I once loved and read so many times:
Listen to MUSTN’TS, child,
Listen to the DON’TS
Listen to the SHOULDN’TS
The IMPOSSIBLES, the WONT’S
Listen to the NEVER HAVES
Then listen close to me–
Anything can happen, child,
ANYTHING can be.....