"Adulthood"

When exactly do you become a "Adult"?? I mean, do you go to sleep a child and one day wake up a adult? Or is it more of a feeling? Certain age? A State of Mind?

As I sat in the kitchen drinking my morning coffee, mentally going over the things in my head that need to be done for the day...the week..the month. What bills need to paid this week...Who's gift I still to need to buy...Laundry that needs to be washed...Floors that need to be swept and mopped..and the list can go on and on and on...I pondered this question...

In all aspects and definition of the word..this is "adulthood"!

So why don't I feel like a adult?? Often times, when I look in the mirror I feel like a little girl playing house..

I can think back to when I was little, I would sit back, watch, listen, and analyze (and yes for those of you that know me quite well...I even analyzed everything when I was little)  the grown ups...they seem so confident..so sure of themselves and what they were doing and what had to be done. When I asked a question..they never hesitated and always had a answer for everything. It seemed like they knew just endless amounts of information..like they were just waiting for a little mind like you to ask so they could pass on the information...Supper was always on the table (and most of the time..to your complete surprise it was almost always one of your favorites)..the house was almost always spotless...the shoes you needed for cheerleading and the pom poms you needed magically appeared when you needed them...and all the while the grown up or "Adults" never lost their sense of composure or confidence...

I am 27 year's old...been married to my husband for 5 years...and became a mother 9 years ago...I am unsure of most of the choices I make...I struggle at giving Khristian the answers to the questions that he so randomly askes...I stress from month to month over the bills and how we are going to pay for Khristian's multiple array of activities...Worry about not having enough time to keep the house clean and getting supper on the table...I struggle to find the perfect balance between alone time and family time..and when the 30th or 31st of the month comes I breathe a huge sigh of relief and tell myself I have made it through another month...and then the very next day the lists start all over again...

When your little, you always have that one person that you look up to more so than anyone else..you say "I want to be just like them when I grow up and become a adult!"

As you grow just a bit older and you mature..you say "When I am a adult, I am NEVER going to be that way!"

So...What I'm asking is...When do we make the transition from child to adolescent to Adult?? Is it when we move out on our own? When we get married? Have kids???

My thoughts - I don't think any of us are adults...I don't think we ever really grow up....

I think we are all just a massive bunch of kids..playing house and dress-up..scrambleing around in this playhouse that we call the world just trying to survive! We make the best out of a situation and we sometimes come out the winner..and sometimes we come out the loser...maybe we don't always have the right answer..maybe the house isnt always clean and sometimes that bill will not get paid by the 10th of the month...but as long as we keep laughing, stay true to our heart and we stay true to ourselves...We are all going to be just fine... =)

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A moment of Clarity

A time comes in your life when you finally get it... When in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks, and somewhere the voice inside your head says.. "ENOUGH!"

Enough fighting and struggling to hold on... And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears, and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world through new eyes...

This is your moment of clarity..

You awaken to the fact that you're not perfect, that not everyone will always love, appreciate, or approve of who or what you are, and that's okay. (They're entitled to their own views and opinions.) And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself; and in the process a sense of newfound confidence is born of self-approval.

You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected...

You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say, and that not everyone will always be there for you; and that it's not always about you... So, you learn to stand on your own, and to take care of yourself and in the process, a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are, and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties; and in the process, a sense of peace and contentment is born..

You realize that much of the way you view yourself and the world around you is as a result of all the messages and opinions that have been engraved into your mind..

You begin to sift through all that you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should look, and how much you should weigh; what you should wear and where you should shop, and what you should drive; how and where you should live, and what you should do for a living; who you should marry, and what you should expect of a marriage; the importance of having and raising children, or what you owe your parents, and what people owe you..

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for...

You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown (or should never have bought into to begin with) and in the process you learn to go with your gut instincts..

You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era, but the cement that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life..

You learn that you don't know everything, it's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing..

You learn to distinguish between guilt, and responsibility, and the importance of setting boundaries, and learning to say NO...
You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because company you keep...

You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be...

You stop trying to control people, situations, and outcomes...

You learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love and you learn that you don't have the right to demand love on your terms just to make you happy. And, you learn that alone does not mean lonely. And you look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10, and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you "stack up."..

You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK. And that it is your right to want things and to ask for the things that you want and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands...

And you learn that your body really is your temple, and you begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and taking more time to exercise. You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear. So you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play...

You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for, and that wishing for something to happen is different from working toward making it happen. More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline, and perseverance...

You also learn that no one can do it all alone and that it's OK to risk asking for help. You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber of all time... FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it, and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms. And you learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of doom...

You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve; and that sometimes-bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions, you learn not to personalize things. You learn that God isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers...

And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state ~ the ego... You learn negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected, or they will suffocate the life out of you, and poison you. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to building bridges instead of walls...

You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower..

Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself; and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never settle for less than your heart's desire...

And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. And you make it a point to keep smiling, keep trusting, and to stay open to every possibility. Finally, with courage in your heart and with God by your side you take a stand; you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life that you want to live as best as you can..

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