"Growing up is not for the faint of heart..."

"I know why families were created with all their imperfections... They humanize you... They are made to make you forget yourself occasionally, so that the beautiful balance of life is not destroyed.."


All mother's have to go through it at one point or another...you all know what I'm talking about...the point that you realize your "baby" boy or girl is growing up and they may not need you as much as they used to..they become more and more independant and before long...well...you feel like you are left on the sidelines of their life...just a bystander...More times than not it gets worse as they get older...and over time you realize that they are not hurting you intentionally..they are just doing what is nature...they are growing up...

A couple weeks ago while at baseball practice..Khristian went in for a great catch and fell pretty hard on his left shoulder...now anyone who knows Khristian will tell you he is definatly a first class Drama King...so I thought this time was no different...he cried for a little bit at first and I was about to tell him to suck it up and get back on the field (Yes...I am that type of mother) but as his mother I know when he is "really" hurting...he couldnt even raise his arm all the way and didnt want anyone to touch his shoulder...My parents and I took his shirt off so we could get a better look at it..when I went to rotate his shoulder I felt it pop...I instantly knew we had to go get X-Rays...I called Travis as Khristian was saying "Call daddy and tell him to meet us there"...My parents followed me over to the Doctors office (because thats what they do..and they have always done since he was a baby) and when I got to SARHA Travis was already in the parking lot waiting on us...As soon as Khristian got out of the car he was in tears telling his daddy "What if I don't get to play in the tournament??" I had tryed everything on the car ride over to pursuade Khristian to think postive..we even prayed...and I told him that I'm sure nothing was broken and for us to wait and see what the Doctor said...but nothing I said seemed to stick...but as soon as his daddy told him that "It was alright and he was sure nothing was broken..just jammed..." Khristian instantly took on a whole new attitude....He calmed down and turned to me and said "Mom...I dont think anything is broken anymore"...

Now as happy as I was that he was now calmed down..and not in tears (as all mothers hate to see there children in pain) I was also a little hurt...I had always been the one to calm Khristians fears..wipe his tears...take away his pain...and now it seemed like he didnt need that from me anymore...Travis had now moved into that role...

After we got checked in and the insurance stuff was squared away..they told us to go on back...Travis, Khristian and I made our way to the back of the Doctors office where we sat in a little room..the nurse came in took his temp..his Blood pressure...his weight..and asked him on a scale of 1 - 10 how bad his pain was..he said a 11 (Told he was dramatic)...she then took us upstairs to get X-rays done...I was thinking finally...we get to see what is wrong....I was getting prepared to go in the X-ray room with him when the nurse asked Khristian "Now only one person can go in the room with you...which one do you want?"...to which Khristian replied... "My daddy.."

My heart dropped into my stomach...I placed a smile on my face and gave him a kiss on the forehead and told him I would be right outside..For the first time his 9 years of life...I watched as the door closed and I was left sitting in a chair in the waiting room....Let me tell you....that hurt...I mean, I felt it in my heart...it was then that I really realized...he doesnt need me as much as he used to...he is growing up...I texted my stepmother who was still sitting downstairs in the main waiting room and she told me it was a "Boy" thing...and I understood that...but it sure didnt make my heart feel any better...

I am not going to lie..my feelings were hurt..I dont even know if hurt is the right word but I do know I felt absolutly crushed...I sobbed like a baby on Travis shoulder and he simply sat there and let me..saying nothing...just being there...and kissed me on the forehead when I was done...I looked up at him and said "My little boy is not such a little boy anymore, is he?"...That little boy will be 10 this coming Saturday (the 9th)..what a great 10 years it has been...we have cryed together..laughed together...and honestly we have grown up together...It is hard for me to watch this transition take place...and I know it is just him growing up as all kids do...but again..it doesnt make it any easier on my heart...

The more that I have pondered over this..I have come to realize something..In the moment, my feeling were hurt because I was thinking about myself...how much he didnt need "me" anymore...but once I had a little bit of time to process and see the bigger picture...I am so blessed to have a man like Travis that is such a huge influence in Khristians life...I am in awe of their relationship and I hope it does nothing but grow as Khristian becomes a teenager...I know he still needs me...but I also know that a little boy needs his daddy...daddys teach you how to throw a football...they teach you how to hold the bat just right to get that grand slam...they teach you how to shoot a BB gun...they teach you how to be tough when you are hurt....and they teach you how to be a man...

I cannot tell you how much I have grown and learned over this last 10 years of being Khristians mother...but I can tell you some things that my sweet baby boy has taught me...He has taught me humility...he has taught me about being selfless...he has taught me about a whole new level of love that I never knew could exist...he has taught me how to be a better mother... =)

" I'll love you forever..I like you for always..as long as I living..my baby you'll be..."
(An excert from mine and Khristians favorite book)