"Wishing upon a Star... "

" Star light...Star bright..the first star I see tonight..I wish I may..I wish I might..to have this wish I wish tonight..."
 

Have you ever had a memory jump out at you..just out of the blue...that happened to me this morning at about 3:30 AM when I woke up..


When I was a little girl I would stand outside at night..with my eyes trained up at the sky searching and looking...looking and searching..hoping to spot the first star...my little eyes would scan the sky for what seemed like hours trying to find it...I would walk the yard almost calling it like you would call a dog.."Come out, Come out littel star..." As soon as I caught sight of it I would feel my heart skip a beat in excitement..I would stand still as a board and I would say outloud "Star light..Star bright...first star I see tonight..." I would squeeze my eyes shut so tightly..silently in my mind I would say my wish...believing that if wished hard enough..and I believed hard enough...that it would come true...


I cannot remember how old I was but I am thinking around 7... I believe it is the Christmas before my parents got divorced and we were still living in that old wooden house in Highland Home..the house was all decorated...Momma had always been one to put lights all around the windows..garland framed the door frames..our stockings were hung...and the Christmas tree was gorgeous...and best of all, there were presents up underneath it..I watched all the regular Christmas movies...Rudolph..Frosty..Jack Frost..and my personal favorite, The night before Christmas...In each one of these movies there was one thing that you always saw...SNOW...my little eyes had never seen "real" snow before...but I wanted to oh so bad...Everyday when the sun would go down..and I knew it was time for the stars to come out of hiding... I would walk outside on our front porch with a mission..to find that first star...and everynight I would make the same wish..."Please, Please, Please...let it snow!"  I just knew that my wish was going to come true..I had been consistent..I had tryed to be good and help around the house..I wasnt mean to my brother and sister...I said "Yes'mam and yes'sir" to my parents...I even tryed to keep my toys out the yard...oh yes, I just knew my wish was going to come true..I was going to see snow for the first time in my whole life...


Christmas day arrived...I jumped up and looked out the window...no snow...slightly disappointed, but I wasn't ready to give up..We all gathered in the living room to give presents out..for some reason I can't remember any toys that I got (although I am sure I got a good bit) but I do remember my brother, sister, and I all got Alabama Electric blankets...Afterall, we did live in a older house..we had gasoline heaters through out the house and a wood burning heater in the living room..needless to say, it got cold at night and a electric blanket was the golden ticket..through out the morning, I continued to look out the window..still not snow..but I still had not given up faith...


I was sitting in the living room floor..coloring...when I heard it.. the yelling...it was my parents...they had been fighting more and more here lately...all I wanted was for this to be a happy day... with no fighting...I wanted then to get along the way they used to...I can remember feeling extremly sad because it was Christmas day...and there was yelling...there wasnt supposed to be yelling and fighting on Christmas...I got up and went to the window..no snow..I had waited all day..and yet nothing...Why? I had kept up my end of the deal...I had done everything I said I would..and yet... I got no snow and my parents were fighting...It was at this point that large crocodile tears started to fall from my little eyes...I had wished every single night without fail..and I had believed that with all my heart that my wish was going to come true...I stayed right there at that window..wishing..and wishing hard..."Please..let it snow..Please let it snow...Please please please...let it snow.."

Still nothing...


It was getting later in the day...the sun was going down beneath the trees..the temperature was dropping...Christmas day was coming to a close...I had all but given up...I had come to conclusion that wishing on a star didnt work..and that none of my wishes were ever going to come true..I had truly lost faith...I felt something tug on my heart...almost saying.."Not yet...don't give up just yet"...

I got up off the floor..walked to the window one last and final time...


I closed my eyes...preparing myself for the disappointment....but when I opened my eyes..there it was...SNOW!...It was snowing...I truly thought my eyes were playing tricks on me..so I closed my eyes for a count of 3 and opened them..Nope..still there...white tiny flakes were falling from the sky...not everywhere...just in one little spot...My wish had come true..finally...I couldnt believe it..I stood there at that window and stared out in awe..I didnt even want to move because I was scared if I turned my back or blinked for a second..It would be gone...I think I even held my breath because I was standing so close to the window and I didnt want it to fog up...It only lasted about 5 minutes...but that was all it took..My faith on wishing upon a star had been renewed...


That was the last Christmas that we spent as a family..my parents got a divorce not very long after that..and my world changed..


That memory sticks out in my head for so many reasons...I think that snow was God's way of telling me..."Don't give up just yet...hang on to your faith..and always believe...I may not do things in your time..but I do it in mine..and I will never leave you..." Many times in our life we think that God does not hear our prayers..or wishes in my case..we get frustrated because we as human beings tend to be impatient..we have become a society that is "now" based..We want everything now...To be quite honest, we have become spoiled...We are so used to having things at our fingertips..and when things don't happen our way..we get frustrated...upset...and we lose faith...


God Said.. "Because you have so little faith... I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move... Nothing will be impossible for you... " Matthew 17:20


I have learned here lately..that I must never lose sight of my faith...and I guess that's why I woke up at 3 AM with this memory..God was reminding me of a little girl that had lost her faith...and he renewed her... =)