"Feelings..."

"It is our feelings that guide us and they can never lead us wrong"  ~Jude Morgan

Why is that we tend to hide or feelings and emotions? Think about it..someone said something hurtful to you and instead of confronting the person..we hide our feelings and smooth things over as if nothing ever happened...Why is it that we do this?? Is it that we think we are not entitled to have these feelings? Is it that we don't want to cause a ripple in the pond per say?? Or is that we have just been taught for so long that it is better to bury certain feelings so deep..so far within ourselves...that noone...but yourself..will ever know exactly how you feel...

As a mother, I have tried to teach Khristian that is ok to feel certain emotions...Happiness..anger...sadness...disappointment...hurt...joy...All the emotions that we as humans are bound to feel at one point or another in our life...I not only try to teach him that it's ok to feel these emotions but also how to better handle and express certain emotions...I don't want him to ever feel like he can't tell me if he is angry...or if he is sad about something that is going on in his life..or if I have hurt him somehow...we are all human..and we all interpret and expierence certain things and situations differently...As his mother, that is my job to teach him...

I stop here for a moment to reflect...how can I teach my son to better express his feelings when I don't express mine? It's a habit, to keep things so balled up within myself...to hide feelings...to say that everything is ok..when in fact, its not...I should be able to say..you hurt me without being afraid that I am going to hurt your feelings...On the same level, I want people to feel they can open up to me and tell me if I have made them feel a certain way..I want a open line of communication...

I am frustrated with certain situations...I am tired...I am so tired of things being a constant battle...and I am tired of pretending that I am not hurt...I can't change the way that things have turned out..Somewhere along the line, things have gotten twisted and turned and so far out of balance that I don't know how to even begin to fix things...I feel like it can and never will be fixed..and maybe thats for the best...I am realizing that I cant make everyone happy..all I can do is make myself happy...I can't pretend anymore that things from the past aren't relavent now...Its a facade that is just to tiring to keep up...

So, here is what I'm going to do..I am going to deal with my feelings the only way I know how..I will write them out..piece by piece..word for words...and I will heal..my heart will heal..my soul will heal...and I will be a better person...I will be free from these feelings that I have kept hidden for so long..I will no longer feel that I am not entitled to them...I will no longer continue to teach Khristian something that I am not willing to do myself..and that is to simply express your feelings...

Let the healing begin...