"Waiting..."

"A waiting person is a patient person...The word patience means the willingness to stay where we are and live the situation out to the full.. in the belief that something hidden there will manifest itself to us...”

I have been sitting on this post for about a week or so...and I have finally decieded to publish it for all to read...I am opening up myself for a bit of criticism and thats ok...I don't expect everyone to agree with me or my reasoning..believe me, I have heard from both sides of the fence...so you won't say anything that I haven't already heard...

I have been asked on multiple occations here lately why Travis and I waited so long to have a baby...I could give the simple cut and dry answer that so many give..."I just wasn't ready"...and while that is true to a certain degree...it is not my sole answer...To be quite honest with you, there are several answers that I can give you..Ultimatly, I don't owe anyone a explaination really...but I really wanted to answer this..So bear with me as I tell this and you will get your answer...


If you have been following me on this blog and read a great deal of my posts or know me personally then you most likely know my backstory...it is no secret that I was a teenage mother at the young age of 17...Things were not ideal and there is alot of painful memories from that time in my life...when I meet Travis, Khristian was 2 almost 3 and I was still a complete unstable mess on the inside...geez, as I think back to it I was still so young mentally but yet I was a couple years ahead of others my age...I was in a in-between stage of still being a child and trying my best to be a adult...Over the course of about year and half our relationship grew stronger and we were both on stable ground enough to begin to talk about marriage. Travis was far more advanced in his feelings than I was..he has always said that he knew from very early in our relationship that I was the one for him...I was the one that held back a good bit..but I finally couldnt hold out any longer and admitted that he was the guy for me..and so we were married on April 9th, 2005..Khristian was 4 at the time...and only then did we move in together..not saying that anything is wrong with living together before marriage..it just wasn't for us. It was a huge adjustment for both Khristian and I...but here we were...we were finally a family..Travis, Khristian and I...

Before we were married, Khristian had already begun to ask a few questions...such as why Mama, maw-maw or Paw-Paw always picked him up from daycare..other kid's had daddy's that picked them up and he just didn't understand where his daddy was..Seriously, you tell me how you explain that one to a 4year old?? I have to stop here and give some major praise to my Dad and Step-mom because along with me, they did everything in there power to make sure Khristian missed out on nothing...they stepped right in and became such a major role in not only Khristian's life..but also in mine..Honestly, I have no idea what I would have done without them to back me up so much...While they were a huge part of Khristians life...I felt bad as a mother because I wanted Khristian to know what it was like to have a mommy and daddy present in his life...

So, to finally answer the question...why did Travis and I wait so long to have a baby? It's a 2 part answer...Firstly, I had such a tramatic expierence when I had Khristian that I was completly against ever having another child...I had deep rooted wounds that over time healed enough so that I could see past what had happened in my first pregnancy and I could actually start looking toward a future one...and secondly, I felt that I owed Khristian that time...It was partly my mistakes and my choices as a teenager that had caused him to miss out on the storybook family that he so much deserved...so when Travis and I got married...I felt he needed that time...by himself...I felt that deserved to have us all to himself for a while...I felt that he and Travis needed that time to bond...to play baseball and football...to have father/son talks...and because of this their relationship has grown from a tiny little seed to a powerful unbreakable bond...If it was up to Travis we would have had a child in our second year of marriage..but I held stronge in saying no..yes, because I wasn't ready..but that's not all..I was selfish...I was selfish for Khristian...and for myself...I needed that time as much as Khristian...I reveled in the fact that I now had a little family to call my own...I wanted to know what it was like to take family trips to the park..or to have that family photo taken at a special moment...

I have had heard all the typical responses to why I waited...and yes I say "I" because in fact it was me..."You are cheating Travis by not having another baby"..and.."He deserves to have a child of his own"... but here is the thing that do not and will never understand...he gained just as much from these past 6 years of it just being us...he has a bond with Khristian now that he knows he would not have had if we had in fact rushed into having a baby so early in our marriage..and one of the most admirable things about Travis is he never pushed...not even once...he understood completly my reasoning for waiting...and while I waited for me to finally be ready...he waited for me...

Khristian has 6 amazing years that he gets to call his own...the spoiled only child...and I wouldnt have it any other way... =)

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"Criticism is a hard pill to swallow..."

“You may not want to hear it...but your critics are often the ones telling you they still love you and care about you....and want to make you better..."

Everyone has had to deal with it at one point or another, most on a daily basis....whether it's how you perform your job at work... how you raise your children...how clean you keep your house...how you speak...how you treat people...how health concious you are. Regardless of what the situation is...we all have to deal with criticism...As humans, we tend to get our feelings hurt when this happens..because let's face it....nobody likes to be told they are doing something wrong or there is room for improvement. Some handle this better than others...while others just don't deal with it at all...At the end of the day, most of us teach ourselves to"Put our big girl panties on and deal with it"...we apply the newfound information to our life..and choose to improve ourself.... but I have recently come across something that I am having difficulty with....How do you teach a 10 year old how to deal with criticism??

Khristian by nature is a sensative child...he get's his feelings hurt easily...but also by the same standard, he is very stubborn...like most children he thinks his way is best and he knows way more than Travis and I could ever teach him. There are times when Travis and I just have to lay things out boldly for him to understand the point that we are tying to get across to him... This often times leads to hurt feeling and him sulking off into his bedroom thinking that it us against him....It is hard to get across to him that we are not telling him these things to hurt him...we tell him these things to help him improve himself...Travis is by far harder of him that I am...especially in sports and things of that nature...I am harder on him when it comes to what he is capable of in school and what is asked of him in the house such as chores...

A episode one morning last week resulted in a very long conversation between Travis, Khristian, and I...Khristian knows that when he wakes up in the morning he is to get dressed for school, clean his room, make his bed, straighten up his bathroom, and brush his hair before he can turn on the TV or play his X-box 360...also, if Travis has placed some clothes of his in his room to fold (Yes, we make him fold and put up his own clothes because we feel that it teaches him responsibility) he has to make sure those are folded/hung before the TV comes on...All of this can be done within 25 minutes and he still has 30-40 minutes of free time before we leave the house...on this particular morning he ran through all of his chores barely..the clothes basket that was full of his "clean" clothes was laying on his floor now mixed with clean and dirty clothes in it and stuffed in his closet...his bed was half made..his bathroom still had dirty clothes laying in the floor..and there he was... sitting on the couch eating his sausage biscuit..watching TV...

There had been several other instances that also lead to the talk we had with him but this was the one that broke the camel's back...The talk started out like most we have had consisting of "You have to do your chores" and "You can't half do things"..."You have to start being more responsible" and blah blah blah...you all know the talk...we got them from our parents and in return we have them with our kids...well, this particular talk started to take a different turn very quickly... Khristian made the statement "I can't be who you want me to be" ... Now for those that do not know Khristian very well..he tends to be a little on the dramatic side... so my first thought was "Did my 10 year old really just say that?" .. I had to take a step back for a second and think about that one....When I finally found my voice I simply said "Khristian, that is a cop-out..." ... I explained to him that its simply not about who I want him to be...its what he is choosing to be...It is mine and his daddy's job to push him, correct him, and make sure that he lives up to what we know he is capable of...and when we correct him and give him criticism...its not because its us against him...it's us, his parents..working with him to help him...and instead of him getting his feelings hurt when we give him positive criticism he needs to take a step back...think about what we are telling him....and apply it...

Oddly enough, through out this whole entire conversation with him...the one thing that finally got through to him was this... I told him that his daddy would never lie to him...I was using this as more of a example than anything but its what finally turned the light bulb on for him...Travis is very hard on Khrisitan in sports...He does not sugar coat it for him in the least little bit..he basically tells it like it is...if Khristian does something good, Travis tells him...if he does something bad, Travis tells him...if Khristian is out there on the football field and he misses a block which results in the other team getting a first down or even a touchdown...Travis rips into him....if he recovers a fumble...Travis will be the first on the field to pick him up for a hug and tell him great job....and here is why...If he is constantly telling Khristian how good he is and never corrects him and what he is doing wrong or what he can improve on...then he is cripling Khristian in the long run...he is not helping him become the athlete or the man that Travis knows he can become...so when I put it in those terms to Khristian...and told him "Your daddy will never lie to you..he will never tell you what you want to hear...instead, he is going to tell you what you need to hear because he knows that you can be the best" ... It clicked with him...and he finally understood what it meant to take criticism...and why we do it... In Khristians words he said "So thats why Coach Saban yells at his players alot...because he knows they are capable of doing better!" ..my son is definatly sports minded..

On a closing note, I think we as adults (myself included) need to remind ourselves of this same lesson...criticism is a hard pill to swallow sometimes...but in the long run, it only allows us as humans to become better employees..mothers...wives...family members...friends...and overall better as a whole... =)

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"Positive signs..."

“Life is full of beauty... Notice it... Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces... Smell the rain, and feel the wind... Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams....take note of all the postive signs..."



At a very early age we were taught the "+" sign...in elementary school it was used to teach us 2+2=4...when we started to enter adolescence and noticed boy's had more than just cooties we used the little plus sign to show our affection.."Jessica + Travis = Forever"....(Come on...all you girls out there know you did it)...over time that simple little plus sign loses significance...although, I remember vividly a time when that sign alone instilled such an intense fear in me that I thought I would never be ok again ...it changed my life... 10 years later that sign again will change my life...but this time there is not one single bit of fear in my body...

The weekend of November 11th..Veterans Day weekend...Travis and I and a couple of our friends had made plans to take our children to the National Peanut Festival so they could have fun...and it would give us adults time to catch up and some fun to...Half way to Dothan Khristian started complaining about his stomach hurting...I thought maybe it was the greasy chicken nuggets he ate from McDonalds before we left Troy..I asked if he wanted to go home and he replied with "No...I am sure it will go away once we get there!"... So we continued on...Finally we got there, parked, walked to the main entrance where stood in line to buy tickets to get in...$21.00 later we entered the main gate...where we proceeded to buy a $20.00 wrist band for Khristian to ride all the rides as many times as he wants...thats where things start to go southward....right after we purchase the wrist band and meet up with our friends, Khristian begins to puke all over the place...All I could think was "Geez, couldnt he have thrown up before we shelled out 40 bucks to get in this thing!"...I take him the bathroom..get him cleaned up...and ask how he feels...He told me his stomach didn't hurt anymore and that maybe the chicken nuggets just didn't settle right on his stomach...In the end, he got to ride 2 rides and do the mirror house...before he puked again..at which point I pulled the plug and we started the hour and half ride back to Troy...with Khristian in the backseat holding a plastic bin to catch his projectile vomit in....and $60.00 poorer...

Saturday Morning, I woke up holding my stomach feeling and couldnt even brush my teeth without gagging...I thought "Great, I now have Khristian's stomach bug" ... I spent most of the day in bed making Travis take care of me...by the end of the night, I started to feel somewhat normal again...only to wake up Sunday morning gagging when I brush my teeth...gagging when I drink water to take my vitamins..gagging when I try to eat my oatmeal for breakfast...and it never stopped...this went on all day long...

I had a box of pregnancy tests in my bathroom cabinet....I grabbed one...went into the bathroom and waited anxiously for 2 minutes...just like the box said to...I admit I wanted to peek but I held stronge...180 seconds later I picked it up...and looked at it...there it was.... "+" ...my heart jumped, my eyes started watering, and I literally wanted to scream with joy... I usually have no problem describing exactly what I feel but...there are no words that can come close to describing what my heart felt at that exact moment...

I walked into my bedroom..hide the pregnancy text under a book on my bed..and called Travis into the room...we both sat on the bed...where I moved the book...It took him a minute for it sink in what he was looking at...and his head popped up with a look in his eyes I have never seen...He said "Really?!" ... I replied with "Yes, Really!"... The next words out of his mouth were "I hope it's a girl!" ... we talked excitedly for a few more minutes until we both fell silent...one heart beat of a moment later our eyes locked and he said "Were going to have a baby..." ... all I could do is shake my head yes....I couldn't speak because of the lump that had formed in my throat...The look in his eyes said a million words to me...in that moment, I understood....I understood what everyone had been trying to tell me for 10 years....that this time was different...I understood what it felt like to have my husband by my side to share this with...not to feel so alone...I understood how it felt not to have that icy stab of fear that had almost broke me so many years ago...I understood what it felt like to share this moment with my best friend..know that he will hold my hand.. and we will do this together...

10 years ago...I sat in a cold, lonely bathroom when that positive sign popped up....I felt so ashamed...I felt that I needed to hide myself from the world..10 years later, I sat in the bathroom of my own home with my husband sitting in the other room when that postive sign popped up...and this time everything is different...I have the support of my husband...my family...my friends...(I write this with a smile) and I want to stand on the highest mountain top and scream at the top of my lungs...."I'M PREGNANT!!!"

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"Merry Christmas Ya'll.."

“Christmas is a necessity....There has to be at least one day of the year to remind us that we're here for something else besides ourselves...."




I realize..as I start this blog off that I have not been writing as much as I normally do...I apologize greatly but I promise there is a good reason...a very good reason...I have been writing, just not on my blog...Time is of the essence and its just not time for some of what I have written to be put on here....yet.... =)

Today is the first day of December...as many of you guys are doing, I am getting ready for the greatest season of all...Christmas...As I was putting together my Christmas tree a couple days ago...getting all the ornaments out and putting them on my tree is my favorite thing to do. I have 2 seperate boxes...the first box is filled with all the balls, glass ornaments, candy canes, and so on...that is the first set of oranments to go up...the second box is the most special...it is all of Khristian's homemade ornaments he has made over the last 10 years. I love taking them out..one by one...and placing them on the tree myself...of all the fancy oranments on my tree..these are my absolute favorite...it brings back so many Christmas memories that I can't help but to smile at each one..from the ones from when he was a baby and he just scribbled all over the paper..to the ones where he had learned to write his name on the back of each one and colored inside the lines...to the intricate paper snowflake he made last year...each one is a treasure...

I laugh as I think back on Travis and I's first Christmas together as a married couple...I had never lived away from my parents before..so not only was this my first christmas as a married adult but it was my first christmas away from home. At my parents house, we always had a huge Christmas tree and it was always carefully decorated with beautiful ornaments with I don't know how many strands of lights on it...the whole house was decorated and smelled so good. It just felt magical....

As a newly married couple, Travis and I were broke..still adjusting to married life...no Christmas tree..no oraments...not one single decoration....Luckily, Travis' mom caught a christmas tree on sale and bought it for us...I was so excited...so I immediatly went home and put it together...I even went by walmart and picked up some colored balls to go on it with several stands of lights...When I put that thing together I almost sat down in the middle of the floor and cryed....it was the smallest Christmas tree I had ever had...I tryed everything to make it bigger..taller...something other than just the little dinky tree it looked like...I put boxes up underneath it...I made Travis help me as I wrapped christmas lights around every single branch of that tree...nothing worked...so we just finished decorating it with the little oranments we had and made do...Travis tryed everything up under the sun to cheer me up...but I just couldnt get into the Christmas spirit...We ended up going and getting a couple small yard decorations to jazz things up a bit...It helped me cheer up some...Khristian was about 4 at the time and all I could remember thinking is I wanted him to have great memories of Christmas...I wanted him to be able to say that Christmas time was magical at his house...

Christmas day came and I have to tell on myself and say that I acted like a spoiled brat...You know those things that while shopping you say "Oh I like that"..it's more of a generic comment than a geniune comment and you would never actually buy it for yourself or want someone to get it for you...well, Travis had not learned that valuable lesson yet...so while shopping he took a mental note of everything I said I "liked" and bought it for me...On Christmas morning I recieved a reversable cake plate...a small rock garden fountain...and a candle...and a shelf I wanted...I was so dissapointed...Bless his heart, he was so proud of himself because he had thought he had done so good...but again, I was being a brat..and I pouted all day (Because thats what I do..and still do)...but regardless of how bratty I was acting I was genuinly excited to see Khristian fall in love with all his gifts from santa...Santa had managed to get him almost everything on his list...his face just lite up...

Later that night, as we had made all our rounds and we were finally getting ready to head home from my parents...Khristian hugged my neck and said "This Christmas has just been like magic mommy...I was scared Santa wouldnt be able to find me this year because we moved houses but he did...he brought me everything I wanted and our whole family is together celebrating Jesus' Birthday!"

Talk about being brought back down to earth by a 4 year old...I had to take a step back and re-evauate my attitude...

We as a family are what makes Christmas a magical time...not the tree, the presents, the decorations, or even the food....its whats in our hearts...it is our ability to believe in the magic of Christmas..we bring about new traditions as well as keep up with the old ones...and lastly but certainly most important...it is the time of year that we celebrate openly the birth of our Lord and Savior...because without him..none of this would be possible...Let us all remember that...

Merry Christmas ya'll... =)

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"Gaining Perspective..."

"In desperate times, much more than anything else, folks need perspective... For perspective brings calm... Calm leads to clear thinking... Clear thinking yields new ideas.... And ideas produce the bloom...of an answer. Keep your head and heart clear... Perspective can just as easily be lost as it can be found..."

Here lately, I have been thinking alot about perspective...how sometimes you can be so close to a situation...your focusing so much on the small little details that you can't see anything else...you have tunnel vision and its obstructing your entire view...you are blinded to any other view...However, if you just back away from it...give it just a little bit of time..a little bit of breathing room...then come back...you often times, gain a whole new perspective...

Many people have asked me how I gave Khristian his name...Khristian Miguel Andrews...I am hoping that my step-mother doesn't mind me sharing this story with you...but it's such a big part of our story as a whole...it has been on my mind alot lately...

My daddy and step-mom have been married for 18 years...prior to me having Khristian they had tried on multiple occations to have a baby...Gina would get pregnant and several months into the pregnancy she would miscarry..each time was heartbreaking for her and my dad...I am not sure of the logistics but her body just wasn't able to carry a baby to full term...If I am not mistaken I don't think she was even supposed to get pregnant with my younger step-brother...she calls him her miracle baby. The miscarriages went on for years...there was a total of 13 miscarriages... on the 13th one, Gina told my daddy she just couldn't do it anymore...her heart couldnt take anymore...so she make the decision to have her tubes tied...As I type this I have tears in my eyes because I can't imagine having to endure what she went through on so many different levels...

Gina had just recently went through her last miscarriage when I went into labor...I didn't know if I was having a boy or girl..furthermore, I had no clue as to what I wanted to name this child...People were throwing out suggestions left and right...I even had one of those books with thousands of names...but I wanted his name to mean something. I was scanning through the book while people were still suggesting names...when from over in a chair beside my hospital bed Gina spoke up...She said "I like the name Christian...that's what I was going to name my baby if I had another one.." I thought it over..tossed it around and around in my head and I knew that's what I wanted to name my baby...but gave it a little twist and spelled it with a "K" instead of a "C"...Khristian's biological father is half hispanic so my mom suggested giving a little bit of his heritage in his name..that is where "Miguel" came in...I finally had a name...Khristian Miguel Andrews...

After I brought Khristian home Gina was a huge help to me...she taught me how to be a mom...there was so much I didn't know and she took the time to teach me...to guide me...and to help me grow...Khristian was about 1 month old when Gina told me that she truly believed that God knew that Khristian and I were going to need her..that she believed that is why she couldnt have a baby..that she needed to be there for us...I know that at the time of her final miscarriage she didn't understand what God's plan for her was...she was so close to the situation..so heartbroken that she couldnt see why this had happened...but after several months...a little bit of time...and a little bit of healing..she gained a whole new perspective..and she understood what God's plan for her was...

Everyone knows that PawPaw (my daddy) is Golden in my little boy's eye...but there is also a very special bond between Khristian and Gina that most people do not understand...I believe Khristian helped Gina through the heartbreak of that final miscarriage...he was the baby she couldn't have...He helped her gain a whole new perspective...

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" A kind heart..."

“Three things in human life are important: the first is to be kind... the second is to be kind... and the third is to be kind...”




Often times we try to teach our children about the less fortunate people in this world...about the children that do not have name brand clothes or shoes...about the girl and boy that sit alone in the lunchroom that doesnt have many friends because they may be considered "different"...There are very few things that I try to shelter Khristian from... because honestly...whether we want to admit it or not... its reality...I want him to be fully prepared when he is approached with certain situations in this crazy world and I want him to know how to handle them...

 From the time that Khristian was very small I have always tried to instill in him the importance of helping others in need...every Christmas we go to the dollar tree and get things together to make up several shoeboxes to send to children that are less fortunate that we are...I have made him go through his toys periodically so that we could donate them...he takes canned food to school food drives and so forth.. I try to teach him kindness...that one person is no better than another...and that having a kind heart, along with manners, hard work and giving your very best will get you along way in this world...


Sometimes, I don't really know if what I am teaching him is actually sinking in and making a difference or just going in one ear and right out the other...and then instances like yesterday happen..God sends us little signs to let us know we are right on target....and it just makes my heart smile...

I don't mind using Khristian's real name in my blog because he is my son but for the privacy of this little girl and her family I will keep her name private..we will call her "Jane"...

Earlier this week, I overheard a conversation going on between Khristian and Jane...Jane was telling Khristian how much she liked his Zigs tennis shoes...(now personally, I dont see what the big deal is about these Zigs but apparently they are the big thing among kids in school right now ) and Khristian reponded by saying "Yeah I like them to..my mom and dad bought them for me because I really wanted them..they are so cool! You should get a pair!"  Jane got a little sad in the face and told him that she asked her parents but they said no because they cost to much...a couple other things were said before I intervened and suggested another topic of conversation....Later that night, I explained to Khristian again that some childrens parents couldnt afford the nice things like what he has...and there is nothing wrong with that.. that the brand of clothing or shoes that we have on does not define who we are as a person....and we shouldnt brag about what we have because it makes the other person feel bad...He told me he wasnt meaning to brag..to which I told him that I knew he wasnt..but I just wanted to remind him so that he could keep that in the back of his mind if a similiar situation arose again...

We had told Khristian to have his Christmas list us before October 31 so that we could get his list to Santa early and beat the crowd...we told him it could be no longer than 25 things....so, a week ago he presented us with a list of 25 things that is now on the front of the refrigerator...It has everything that a typical 10 year old athletic boy would ask for on there...a X-box 360, some UnderArmour shirts and shorts, a new pair of sperry shoes, a couple of toys that he wants, and so forth.... Not exactly a cheap list but it is do-able....I woke up yesterday morning...came in the kitchen to fix my coffee and found Khristian standing on a stool doing something to the list...I asked him what he was doing...before he answered me he grabbed a pen and wrote something in place of what he had erased...he then turned around and said "Mom...I thought about it all night...I already have a pair of Zigs and a pair of Sperrys..I dont need a new pair so I erased that from my list and instead asked Santa to bring Jane a pair of pink Zigs for Christmas...I just know it will make her happy!" He had given up one of his things on the list and instead asked for something for Jane..All I could do was hug him...I bent down and kissed his forehead...and I told him that I was so very proud of him..that he has such a kind heart and to never lose that....It was one of the most unselfish things I have ever seen him do...He truly amazes me every day of my life..

Somehow...someway...there will be a pair of pink zigs up under my Christmas tree this year with a big bow that has Jane's name on top of them... =)

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" Silent conversations..."

"Silence..I discovered, is something you can actually hear...."

This morning, as I woke up extremly to early for some unknown reason...maybe it's all the numerous thoughts that keep running through my head that just won't shut up..or maybe it was the thought that I could enjoy a nice peaceful cup of coffee before the sun came up in silence...whatever the reason, I was up shortly after 5:30. I pulled on my comfy, warm Gap pants..started the coffee maker...and stood by in silent anticipation of my morning goodness...I grabbed my cup and filled it to the brim...snatched my oversized blanket off the back of the couch and gently opened the back door..afraid that If I made any sounds then I would shatter the peaceful silence...and stepped out back to quite a cold morning but It didnt matter...It was quiet...

While I sat there enjoying my 30 minutes of solitude before the choas of the day started...my mind started to wonder as it always does...Seriously, sometimes I don't understand how my small head can hold as many thoughts as it does without busting at the seams...Have you ever really sat and thought about the word silence in detail? What it means? By Wikipedias definition Silence is defined as : the relative or total lack of audible sound...often referred to as no sounds uttered by any body in a room and or area...Hmmm...while this is true I can't help but to think..silence never really is just silent..is it?

There are many forms of silence and each of them means a different thing...There is the silence that comes with the early morning where the world is quiet..There is silence after a rainstorm, and before a rainstorm, and these are not the same...There is the silence of emptiness... the silence of fear...the silence of doubt... There is a certain silence that can be heard from a lifeless object such as from a chair...or from a piano with old dust on its keys..There is angry silence...and there is comfortable silence...There is the silence that claims a picture on the wall....These are the kinds of silences that can speak... It's voice depends on which type it is... the chair may have been left by a laughing child or the last notes of the piano may have been played by happy family at Christmas time...the picture may have been taken on the happiest day of your life...the words from the picture are spoken from the look in your eyes... The angry silence may be unsaid words that are floating between one person to the next...just because they have not been spoken does not mean that you can't hear them loud and clear...The comfortable silence may take place between two friends that no words have to be spoken...you just know...Whatever the mood or the circumstance...the words are there... It is a soundless echo...

Silence can be golden but it can also be brutal...because in those unhinged moments when words have run out and you are now sitting in absolute utter complete silence....there is a unspoken conversation this is going on whether you recognize it or not...

I can remember clearly the day of my wedding...there was a  moment right before my dad walked me down the isle to Travis. I was beyong nervous and I was waiting on my cue to go through the double doors to walk to my future husband...My dad and I stood there in complete silence  but in that quiet moment he squeezed my hand and I looked at him and he smiled at me..."I love you and I am proud of you" is what that silent moment said. My mother and I have not spoken over some differences that we have since February of this year...Silence...there are no words that are being spoken but we both know what is being said. In April, the worst tornado's that my beautiful state of Alabama has ever seen...ripped through Tuscaloosa and the surrounding towns...destroying many people's homes, businesses, and lives....I told Travis and Khristian that for Mothers day all I wanted to do was go volunteer and help...While there I met a family that did not speak very much English and had lost their home along with most eveything they owned. As I was handing the mother a pack of diapers and wipes for her newborn baby...she hugged me so tight and when she finally let me go..the words were clear... "Thank you"..Last night, as I was sitting at the kitchen table doing endless amounts of homework and studing with Khristian...I looked over and Travis was cleaning the kitchen for me..I caught his eye from across the room and without saying a word...he understood how much him helping me out meant to me...

There are so many instances where silence really isn't silent...you can almost see the words hanging in the air...unspoken conversations are going on all around us...Even this morning, when all the world was silent around me... =)

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