"Positive signs..."

“Life is full of beauty... Notice it... Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces... Smell the rain, and feel the wind... Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams....take note of all the postive signs..."



At a very early age we were taught the "+" sign...in elementary school it was used to teach us 2+2=4...when we started to enter adolescence and noticed boy's had more than just cooties we used the little plus sign to show our affection.."Jessica + Travis = Forever"....(Come on...all you girls out there know you did it)...over time that simple little plus sign loses significance...although, I remember vividly a time when that sign alone instilled such an intense fear in me that I thought I would never be ok again ...it changed my life... 10 years later that sign again will change my life...but this time there is not one single bit of fear in my body...

The weekend of November 11th..Veterans Day weekend...Travis and I and a couple of our friends had made plans to take our children to the National Peanut Festival so they could have fun...and it would give us adults time to catch up and some fun to...Half way to Dothan Khristian started complaining about his stomach hurting...I thought maybe it was the greasy chicken nuggets he ate from McDonalds before we left Troy..I asked if he wanted to go home and he replied with "No...I am sure it will go away once we get there!"... So we continued on...Finally we got there, parked, walked to the main entrance where stood in line to buy tickets to get in...$21.00 later we entered the main gate...where we proceeded to buy a $20.00 wrist band for Khristian to ride all the rides as many times as he wants...thats where things start to go southward....right after we purchase the wrist band and meet up with our friends, Khristian begins to puke all over the place...All I could think was "Geez, couldnt he have thrown up before we shelled out 40 bucks to get in this thing!"...I take him the bathroom..get him cleaned up...and ask how he feels...He told me his stomach didn't hurt anymore and that maybe the chicken nuggets just didn't settle right on his stomach...In the end, he got to ride 2 rides and do the mirror house...before he puked again..at which point I pulled the plug and we started the hour and half ride back to Troy...with Khristian in the backseat holding a plastic bin to catch his projectile vomit in....and $60.00 poorer...

Saturday Morning, I woke up holding my stomach feeling and couldnt even brush my teeth without gagging...I thought "Great, I now have Khristian's stomach bug" ... I spent most of the day in bed making Travis take care of me...by the end of the night, I started to feel somewhat normal again...only to wake up Sunday morning gagging when I brush my teeth...gagging when I drink water to take my vitamins..gagging when I try to eat my oatmeal for breakfast...and it never stopped...this went on all day long...

I had a box of pregnancy tests in my bathroom cabinet....I grabbed one...went into the bathroom and waited anxiously for 2 minutes...just like the box said to...I admit I wanted to peek but I held stronge...180 seconds later I picked it up...and looked at it...there it was.... "+" ...my heart jumped, my eyes started watering, and I literally wanted to scream with joy... I usually have no problem describing exactly what I feel but...there are no words that can come close to describing what my heart felt at that exact moment...

I walked into my bedroom..hide the pregnancy text under a book on my bed..and called Travis into the room...we both sat on the bed...where I moved the book...It took him a minute for it sink in what he was looking at...and his head popped up with a look in his eyes I have never seen...He said "Really?!" ... I replied with "Yes, Really!"... The next words out of his mouth were "I hope it's a girl!" ... we talked excitedly for a few more minutes until we both fell silent...one heart beat of a moment later our eyes locked and he said "Were going to have a baby..." ... all I could do is shake my head yes....I couldn't speak because of the lump that had formed in my throat...The look in his eyes said a million words to me...in that moment, I understood....I understood what everyone had been trying to tell me for 10 years....that this time was different...I understood what it felt like to have my husband by my side to share this with...not to feel so alone...I understood how it felt not to have that icy stab of fear that had almost broke me so many years ago...I understood what it felt like to share this moment with my best friend..know that he will hold my hand.. and we will do this together...

10 years ago...I sat in a cold, lonely bathroom when that positive sign popped up....I felt so ashamed...I felt that I needed to hide myself from the world..10 years later, I sat in the bathroom of my own home with my husband sitting in the other room when that postive sign popped up...and this time everything is different...I have the support of my husband...my family...my friends...(I write this with a smile) and I want to stand on the highest mountain top and scream at the top of my lungs...."I'M PREGNANT!!!"